My partner in life is fighting for his life. He is fighting against an invisible enemy that lives inside of him. An invisible enemy that makes him full of hate and anger. An invisible enemy that changes him. Changes his body language, changes his facial expressions. An invisible enemy that makes him almost disgusted by my touch.
This invisible enemy is depression.
Our society would have us believe that depression is a moral failing of one’s character; if you are depressed it is your own fault. The people who promote this false idea of depression must have never witnessed it first hand or are incapable of understanding the truth. Depression is not a part of you, it is a disease like any other. But it is a disease that cannot be physically seen, it is lived.
This disease does everything it can to bring you to your knees. It convinces you that you are a burden to the people around you and everyone would be better off without you. It convinces you that you are alone in your suffering and it is all your fault. It takes away your motivation, your passion, and your will to live. It uses all the lies it can possibly find to convince you that you are unworthy and make living insufferable. The invisible enemy takes away all your defenses to ensure it feels impossible to get better. It creates this insidious cycle that ensures you stay in its grasp.
Everything becomes a battle. You have to battle for your life every day. You have to battle to remember who you were when the invisible enemy wasn’t taking center stage. You have to battle to push yourself to get help. Things that people take for granted every day become seemingly insurmountable.
As I love and support my partner through this difficult time, I wish I could do more for him. Ultimately there is only so much I can do, and it is his fight to win against the invisible enemy. I am happy to serve as his reinforcement and armory but only he can win this war. Until then patience and love are my strongest allies.